Black Bean Rotini

This is a new Trader Joe’s product.  I found it on an end cap (you know, those shelves on the end of an aisle that retailers use to get your attention to sell you stuff).  I need to pause here to say this:  I do NOT read other online reviews of Trader Joe’s products before we try them. I do not want our opinions to be in any way influenced by what other people think of products.  However, you can bet your sweet bippy that as soon as I finished writing this review I am gonna check and see what other people thought about Trader Joe’s Black Bean Crap-ini – errr, I mean Rotini!!  But before I can begin my review, let me just say this:  if anyone else gave this a GOOD review, they are either getting paid by Trader Joe’s or they are drunk.  This is a super shi**y product. 

See this?  Don't buy it.

This is a horrible product.

We bought this rotini at our Northern Virginia Trader Joe’s.  It seemed interesting!  We planned on making the recipe for the shrimp pasta dish on the back of the bag, but we didn’t have time to make it at home, so we brought the crap-ini with us to Florida.  Last night we followed the recipe on the back of the bag, but we had to improvise a bit since there is not a Trader Joe’s near us here.  Instead of using TJ’s “Mushroom Medley” or “Roasted Peppers and Onions”, we used fresh mushrooms, peppers, and onions.  We didn’t have a jar of TJ’s Alfredo Sauce with us (which got a great review in this blog here ) so we bought another brand of sauce.  And instead of using TJ’s frozen shrimp, we went to a special fish store (Hull’s in Ormond Beach, FL, which rocks!) and bought fresh local shrimp.  Yes, we put a lot of heart into this meal…

The part we made – the veggies, sauce, and shrimp – was really good.

The pasta part – the Black Bean Rotini – was DISGUSTING.

Even David didn't like it.

Luckily we TASTED it before we poured our delectable sauce over it!  I would have been steaming mad if that excuse for a pasta had ruined the tasty sauce we made!!  I almost barfed when I tasted it, then we literally THREW IT AWAY.  We had made half a package and we pitched all of it into the garbage can.  We do NOT throw food away – there are too many people who go to bed hungry, and we do not have money to waste.  But that stuff was too gross to eat…  I taped up the other half of the bag and put it in our stuff to bring back home with us so that we can return it to Trader Joe’s.  And you can bet I will give them a link to this review when we return it so they can see exactly what we thought of it. 

I call it “Black Sh*t Rotini” instead of Black Bean Rotini.   We ended up eating our lovely shrimp sauce over leftover, reheated rice, and that was way better than the crapini!! 

The Black Bean Crapini was interesting LOOKING, but that is the only positive thing I can say about it.  It is a horrible texture in your mouth and the taste of it is soooo bad!!!  I mean, I like me some black beans, and I love me some pasta, but THIS, this ain’t either of those things!!  I give this product a big, fat ZERO (and I think only 2 other things have gotten a zero in this blog – the super disgusting Pumpkin Scones ( reviewed here ) and the undrinkable Cranberry Juice ( gross juice reviewed here ).  Heck, even that yucky Coconut Water got a .75, the Cherry Cider that tasted like drinking cough syrup got a 1.75 ( coconut water review here ), and the most ever read review on this blog, the “Head to Toe Moisturizing Balm” eeked out a 1.5 ( read this review before you invest in this head to toe crap ) !!

This coconut water was pretty rank, but it was still better than Black Bean Rotini...  Review here

Here is what David thought of it:  “I would have to concur with what Susan said.  It is BAD.  I mean, not as bad as rancid meat or fish, but the consistency is PASTY…  And then it is nothing like a PASTA…  There was nothing appealing at all in the taste.  I am a guy who rarely throws stuff out, but I didn’t want to eat it at all.  I would rather just find something else to eat, which is what we did.

Maybe, if you are a, you know, some sort of a vegan-loving straight-up masochistic vegetarian who likes things that taste bad, then this Black Bean Rotini will be appealing!!    I mean, I love me some bean thread noodles!  You can make noodles out of beans that are tasty…  But this???  Oh my God…

But this is a win!  This is a good news story.  TJ’s rotating stock encouraged us to try something NEW, which we did, and even though we didn’t like it, we are going to be able to take it back, give them our feedback, and get our money back.  That’s why we love Trader Joe’s!  I would have to give it a zero, too.”

We will take our money back for this one please.

Well, it looks like this is one that David and I agree on -- it is one of the worst Trader Joe’s products that we have tasted.  We very rarely use Trader Joe’s liberal return policy, but if annnnything deserves your money back, it is this bag of crap.  Seriously, if you have not figured it out yet from the rest of this review, this black bean pasta is horrible.  #NewProductFAIL. 

No, we did not overcook it.  But it was not a winner in our book.
Sorry for the crude photo, but this product angered me a bit.  :) 

Price – $2.99

Rating - 0

Day 201: Capellini

Look, either you LIKE capellini or you don’t.  It’s a super skinny Italian pasta.  I would say it is like angel hair.  So it is not a HEARTY type of pasta- it is delicate, quaint, and capellini-ish! 

Capellini meal 1 - served with olive oil, garlic, mushrooms, snow peas, and delicious shrimp

But if you like capellini, this is a fine one.  It is in the pasta aisle of Trader Joe’s alongside the other varieties.  I saw someone online worried that Trader Joe’s might have discontinued it, but I just called our local store to check in and make sure they still have it – Sally said indeed THEY DO. And it's pretty cheap, too.

Capellini meal 2 - served with a red sauce enhanced with onions, green peppers, and mushrooms with sides of zuchinni and snow peas

 Because it is so darn skinny it only takes 3 minutes to cook, which makes it a speedy little pasta! 

We recently served it with shrimp, olive oil and garlic for a delicate little dinner.  It is also good with pesto.  And we just had it AGAIN tonight with an Alfredo sauce (which I added mushrooms to). David really loved it and gobbled it up (well, he gobbled it slowly, he is a super slow eater).  In fact, he added butter and salt to the naked leftover capelli and gobbled that up, too.  This is a flexible pasta.

Capellini meal 3 - served with Alfredo sauce enhanced with mushrooms, fresh corn, left over Brussels Sprouts, and left over chicken (this was a "trying to clean out the fridge" meal)

I sort of wish this was a bad pasta, cuz you know I would love to write something about it being “crapellini”.  But I cannot do that.  So I won’t.  But I still got to say crapellini, so I am cool with it.

This is a good one to keep in your cupboard.

Price – $.99

Rating – 4.25

Day 186 - Gnocchi Italiani

This was our first time trying these gnocchi from Trader Joe’s.  On night one, we served them with Trader Joe’s Alfredo Sauce (glowing review of that on day 161).  The gnocchi were really good with Alfredo!!   The doughyness of the gnocchi blended well with the creamyness of the Alfredo sauce.

Here is gnocchi with Alfredo sauce, topped with pepper and parmesan with a side of zucchini and mushrooms

Cute package, in the pasta section (not refrigerated or frozen)

Last night we had the gnocchi again, this time with a (non TJ’s) red sauce.  I must say, Alfredo was a better topping for them.  Maybe the red sauce somehow competed with the gnocchi?  I am not sure what it was, but things tasted better with Alfredo.

These are really easy to cook – boil water and then throw these in for 2 – 3 minutes.  Seriously, could you get a faster meal??  You don’t even have time to cook your veggies if you do not plan ahead!  The package says it has 4 servings, which I would agree with, it worked out to 4 for us. 

Here is gnocchi being drained :)

David has proclaimed that gnocchi is the “Italian mochi”.  He does not usually like gnocchi, but found these delightful.  He says they are, “Like pillows of pasta, not heavy matzo balls of tastelessness”. 

Cheap and hearty meal

I think these are a good WINTER meal, since they are hearty and warm.  I will get more when the temperature cools down.

Price – $1.69

Rating – 4.25

Day 161 - Alfredo Pasta Sauce

Another cute Florida Trader Joe's sign - flamingo!

I don’t often think of ALFREDO when I think pasta.  I always think of red sauce or pesto (we have a freezer full of little pesto packs we have made from garden basil, so it is an easy thing to make when we want pasta).  But we recently had Trader Joe’s Chicken Pot Pie Ravioli (reviewed yesterday, day 160, on this blog) and we wanted a non-red/non-pesto sauce to go over it.  Enter TRADER GIOTTO’S ALFREDO SAUCE.  It has Romano and Parmesan cheeses – yummmmm.

Grab a jar of this on your next visit to Trader Joe's

It was great on the ravioli!  All we did was heat it and pour it over the pasta.  Ahhhh – almost no work at all to have a tasty, creamy meal!!!  All I added to the sauce was freshly ground pepper.  We used half the jar on this meal which means we have another half jar to enjoy later!  It would be tasty on fettuccine, so maybe that will be the next pasta it goes over.

Alfredo being poured over ravioli - can't you almost TASTE the goodness?

I am going to broaden my sauce horizons and remember ALFREDO in the future.  It is nice to mix things up a bit, and this cheesy creamy sauce deserves some love.

Price - $3.29

Rating – 4.75

Day 160 - Chicken Pot Pie Ravioli

What the WHAAAT???  Chicken Pot Pie RAVIOLI???  How in the world is that combination even POSSIBLE??

Check it out - two great things - CHICKEN POT PIE ANNNND RAVIOLI - all in one!

I am happy that my Facebook friend Gwynn posted the other day about finding this culinary peculiarity at her Trader Joe’s.  We had not seen this in the stores yet but as soon as I read her post I was READY to go find it!  We picked some up at the Pembroke Pines, FL store (that has nice artwork shown on day 156 of this blog – check it out!).

We had the ravioli for dinner tonight.  And it was a pretty QUIET dinner, because we were so busy enjoying the taste of what we were eating that we barely talked.  Well, except to say stuff like, “Oh man…” and “This is GOOD, eh??”, etc. 

Totally reasonable price for something so yummy

Seriously, this is a good thing to eat.  It DOES taste like chicken pot pie AND ravioli, and who doesn’t like those 2 things????  You just put the raviolis in water for 5 or 6 minutes and they are good to go!  The package says to serve them with just olive oil or a sauce.  We tried one with olive oil and decided we liked them better with sauce (we had Trader Joe’s Alfredo Sauce, to be reviewed soon).  The Alfredo sauce was a great compliment to the ravioli – I recommend the combination.

The ravioli with Alfredo sauce (and green beans) - see the rogue carrot on the plate?  That is from a ravioli that burst

The ONLY slight problem with this item is the propensity for ravioli to burst a bit when cooking, thus leaking out a bit of the chicken pot pie goodness.  I think if it were not for the bursting, these would have gotten a 5 star rating…  We will have these again, that’s for sure!  The package says 2 servings and that was perfect for the 2 of us.  It is very well priced, too, at basically $2 per serving (plus sauce).  This is a new product for Trader Joe’s and I sure hope they keep carrying it!

Price - $3.99

Rating – 4.75