Fake Trader Joe's, Mt. Pleasant, SC Trader Joe's, and Salty Honey Toffee Milk Chocolate Covered Crackers

Guys, WE WERE PUNKED!

We are on vacation.  Of course, that means VISITING NEW (to us) TRADER JOE'S stores, so I searched on my phone to see where the local Trader Joe’s are near Charleston, SC and 2 came up – one in Charleston proper and one near Mt. Pleasant.  We were in Charleston at the time, so I put the address of that one in the GPS and off we went.

Only, it was a FAKER JOE’S!!!!

Trader Joe's my a** - this is a THRIFT SHOP!

Look!  It was a junky old thrift store!!   And it is so  junky that even as a thrift store it gets some lousy reviews on Yelp!  (Note:  I love thrift stores.  But this one looked particularly sketchy, plus it punked me…)  Doesn’t the font even look like the real TJ’s font???  I think they are walking on thin ice here…  If anyone from Trader Joe’s corporate reads this – check these people out, man!  They are trading on your good name!

Look - they even sell used furniture for college.  (Why do the last THREE items have "and"s before them?
Did they just keep thinking of more amazing products they sell and write them on the truck?

The AirBnb we are staying at is in Mt. Pleasant, so off we went toward that Trader Joe’s address (with me taking a bit more care this time to make sure it was an honest to goodness TJ’s and not another fakey fakerton!).  Found it- REAL STORE.  I think it was our 29th TJ's visited in the 14th state, and it was very nice!!

Mt. Pleasant, South Carolina Trader Joe's!!

First off – look what they have for pooches!

Awwww - isn't that sweet??  A DOGGY DOCK!

I am not a dog person, but even I think it is awesome that they treat their 4 legged friends so nicely!

Secondly, the employees were great!!  They were so friendly and helpful!  The sample area is adorable – it is set up like a light house and very welcoming.  And the employees working the floor were so sweet!!  They helped me hunt for local South Carolina stuff (scored some local brew 😊 ).  And one of them even gave me a Trader Joe’s reusable shopping bag!  Isn’t that so sweet??  (ATTENTION TRADER JOE’S CORPORATE, IT IS ME AGAIN WITH A MESSAGE FOR YOU:  SOUTH CAROLINA NEEDS STATE SPECIFIC BAGS, MAN!  If the other states can have ‘em, good old South Carolina needs them, too!  They are getting ripped off by having to sell the generic bags.  Pony up!  They are totally worth it.)

Even the bathrooms in Mt. Pleasant are awesome!!!!
Gender neutral - if you are a mermaid or a fisherdude, here is where you pee!

I really liked the layout, lighting, cleanliness, and artwork at this location.  Here is my favorite sign:

GREAT SIGN!!!  Whoever paints the signs in Mt. Pleasant deserves a raise

Isn’t it great?? 

I love this sign.  And not just because I am a mermaid and sea shell fan.  It has great info!!  Look - they will open
 anything for you and let you taste it (except alcohol).  And NO QUESTIONS ASKED for returns.  Trader Joe's rocks.

I liked everything about this store.  As we were leaving we saw this sign:

Mt. Pleasant shoppers - find TJ the Turtle!

Their mascot at this location is TJ the Turtle.  I wish we had been hunting for him while we were there!  I didn’t think of it til we saw this sign.  If we pop in again we will see if we can find TJ.

OK, now onto a review!  ,Let’s talk about Salty Honey Toffee Milk Chocolate Covered Crackers.  (We did not get these at the Mt. Pleasant, SC store, these were from our “home store” in Virginia.)

The box says CRACKERS - but are they really CRACKERS?

David’s take on this one:  “These are very nice.  There are all different kinds of sweet and chocolate-y and toffee-ish – the chocolate is very good which is nice.  The big surprise is that in the middle, where you would expect a shortbread cookie or something, it turns out to be something like a SALTINE CRACKER!  It is a little bit more substantial, but a cracker none the less.  And you think, “Well that doesn’t belong in here!!” but then, after you chew it awhile, you go, “You know what??  It is good that it is bringing a different kind of flavor to the experience!”  particularly it is bringing a blank palette – against which the chocolate and the toffee can play – and it brings the SALT, the grains of salt, which makes it so nice and tasty.  I would have to subtract .25 points though, because it doesn’t ADD cookie-ness to it, it just provides a blank canvas against the rest of the cookie can play.  I am gonna give this a 4.75.”

"I wonder what these are like!!  They have CHOCOLATE, I bet I will like them!"

This photo was the SECOND time we got them - he looks happy to be getting them again .

My take:  I also was surprised by the cracker.  Sure, the box says CRACKER, but I thought, “Certainly that can’t mean an honest to goodness cracker….”  I was certainly wrong on that.   I think this whole thing would be better if it were not so THICK.  It is just too HARD.  It is difficult to bite through it or to break it – it is super hard.  I think if they made it half as thick it would be twice as good. 

Aren't they pretty?  (This is on a tiny plate.)

The package says there is a hint of coffee but neither of us could pick up on that.  This product is quite MESSY.  I broke mine in half and then ate them and little bits flew everywhere. 

I do not dislike these, but I wouldn’t say they are amazing or anything.  The box says serving size is 2 crackers – I ate 1.5 and that was plenty for me.  I would give these a 3.5.

Price: $3.99

Rating: 4.25

Day 326 - Chicken Parmesan Lollipops

We had these treats when my sister and brother-in-law were in town visiting recently.  I forced them to try and them and be guest reviewers (it didn’t really take much forcing, they were totally game).  We ate them in between rushing around town finding fun things to do (like paint rocks at a mobile art van we found on the side of the road in Alexandria, VA!). 

We found a mobile art lab!  And it just so happened that it was ROCK PAINTING day!

Before I go into the individual reviews let me explain the product a bit.

These Chicken Parmesan Lollipops are easy to make – just take them out of the freezer and bake them for 15 – 20 minutes on a parchment covered cookie sheet.  The “lollipop sticks” (which are a bit fatter than normal toothpicks) are a bit superfluous.  You cannot really use the sticks to transfer the lollipop from the cookie sheet to a plate, because the stick falls out.  This is because the CHICKEN is not a solid piece of chicken (we we thought it would be).  Instead it is ground up chicken mixed with spices then formed into a little ball, not really a ball but a FLAT BALL, then breaded and put onto the stick. 

Here is the box - it is in the frozen food section

As for my opinion, I felt that this ground up chicken makes the texture a bit odd.  It is also a littttle too tomato-y but I personally liked it.  I thought they were interesting as an appetizer.  I would give them a 3.75.

They look cute on the plate, but trust me, the sticks had to be put back in after I transferred them over from the cookie sheet.

Jim’s thought on this product:  “I decided to spread the Chicken Parmesan Lollipops on CRACKERS.  I enjoyed them so much more this way.  I think that the texture lends itself to being spreadable.  I like the taste.  They taste like CHICKEN.  I would give them a 3.5, which is high.”  (Jim is a college professor and I kid him about being a tough grader, so this is a great score from him.)

Jim's new invention - CHICKEN PARM LOLLIPOPS ON A CRACKER!
Who needs a STICK when you can have a CRACKER?

Sherry’s thoughts:  “I didn’t really care for the texture when I bit into it, but I liked them spread on a cracker.  I liked the taste.  I don’t think I would BUY these, but if someone had them at a party I would eat one.  I would give them a 3.”

Sherry mid-bite.  

And finally, David’s musings on these meat lollipops J:  “I appreciate the respect that this food item has for my feelings.  First of all – potion size.  They are in small, manageable portions.  Each one provides 3 or 4 small bites so you don’t need to worry about a huge portion on your plate that is constantly saying, “You haven’t finished me yet…” and putting your blood pressure up.  The taste:  very nice.  Flavorful.  Like a little bit of chicken parmesan on a stick!  The downside of chicken parmesan is all of that TOMATO SAUCE, but when the portions are this small you don’t have to suffer through all of that.  You just have the delight of the taste and then you are done with it.  You don’t have to finish the rest of the chicken parm that is left on your plate.  Now, for this new concept of which I have heard of placing it on a CRACKER… I did try this, and I have to admit that it is nice.  Because the tomato paste is modified by all of that starch/breading so it “milds it out” and that is good.  But I prefer them on a stick to on a cracker (because the cracker is too stressful…).  (Editor’s note:  David seems remarkably stressed about his appetizers, doesn’t he???)  It doesn’t STICK to the cracker, it just SITS on the cracker because of all of the BREADING…  So, as you bring it to your mouth, you are worried about it rolling off!!!  (Editor again:  apparently Jim smooshed his onto the crackers more to prevent the falling off factor.) I would give these a 4.” 

$4.99 - not a bad price if you want chicken balls on a stick

So, in the end, nobody hated these, nobody thought they couldn’t live without them, and one person invented a new way to eat them.  All in all a good time was had by everyone.  J

Price – $4.99

Rating (average of 4 raters) – 3.5

Day 241 - Blue Stilton

Blue Stilton is a lovely cheese.  A strong cheese.  Ok, it is a cheese most people would call a STINKY or SMELLY cheese, but it is darn good!

And this Trader Joe’s version of Blue Stilton was GOOD.  So good, in fact, that after we shared our first one with other artists at the Indy Fringe over wine and I had to leave town for a couple of days, David went BACK to Trader Joe’s and stocked up on ANOTHER one.  Then, after we finished  that one and came back home to Virginia, last night at Trader Joe’s he bought ANOTHER ONE.  So that is 3 purchases of this lovely cheese in just 2 short weeks.  Ahhhh – stinky cheese rules!

  

Trader Joe's Blue Stilton - a right good stinky cheese

This cheese is good to put on a cracker and eat while sitting under the stars and sipping red wine. 

It is also good to eat in a salad while sitting in front of a television watching trash tv like “Naked and Afraid” and drinking San Pellegrino (which got a great review on day 94 of this blog)

http://traderjoes365.blogspot.com/2015/04/day-94-san-pellegrino-water.html  

I imagine it would also work well crumbled up and spread over a thin pasta.  Or in an omelet.  The sky is the limit.  J

From England - like lots of other good things

As you can see from the signage in the Indianapolis Trader Joe’s, this cheese is from England.  Lots of good things are from England!  Let’s think of a few:  the Beatles, Hobnob Digestive Biscuits, fish ‘n’ chips, my Aunt Shirley, and Amy Winehouse.  Now we can add this Blue Stilton to the list.

Aunt Shirley!!!  The best Aunt in England.

If you do not like smelly cheeses this is not the cheese for you.  But Greg, a hybrid musician from Boston who was in Indy with us, is a foodie and DOES like smelly cheeses and here is what he thought of this particular one when we shared it with him:  “This Stilton was a fine version of the cheese.  It is a little sharp and a little pungent.  It has a good flavor and balance of salinity.  It is a delightful snack at the end of the day.”

It is not cheap, but it is much cheaper than airfare to England to pick up the cheese there.  

David says:  “This cheese is DELIGHTFUL!  It is flavorful and pungent.  It has some structure to it, yet is nice and creamy as well.”

This cheese is a win for stinky cheese lovers.  

Price – $11.99/lb

Rating – 4.5

Day 127 - Pita Bite Crackers

I am not a huge cracker eater, nor do I typically go for pita, but these Pita Bite Crackers are some nice lil’ crackers!!  They are super crunchy and hold up well to spreading cheese (like Brie) on them.  They are also tasty enough to eat on their own (naked!) as a little “side dish” for your lunch sandwich (which is something I just did J ).  I have also tried them dipped in Trader Joe’s Tzatziki (to be reviewed another day) and that was good (though I did make quite a drippy mess, but that is no fault of the cracker).

Here is the box.  The crackers look rather large now that I look at them in this photo, but they are actually a nice size

I think this is a good all-around cracker.  Not too salty, no strong flavor to distract from whatever you are eating it with.  It is about two bite’s worth, which is a nice size. 

I haven't tried the product under the price sign, but it sort of looks like it is named "ok-snot"...  Note to self - check out ok-snot.

I bought these crackers to serve with cheese as an appetizer for our Trader Joe’s dinner party, so I will now look at the review sheets and see what the guests thought of them.  But before I peek at those let me just say that if I were giving these crackers my own rating, I would give them a 4.25.  But, because of the party, I will average all guests’ ratings.  Here are the guest comments:

-          “Tasty, but they crumble in bites.”

-          “Pleasant, better on the second taste.”

-          “Very nice hint of salt.”

-          “Not interesting to taste on t heir own, but nice base for the French Brie.  Cardboardy and not thin enough for my taste.”

-          “Tasty.  Good foil for cheeses.”

So, there you have it!  Opinions of 6 people on Trader Joe’s Pita Bite Crackers.

Price - $2.69 (cheaper than fancy brand crackers we sometimes get)

Rating (average of 6 ratings) - 4

Day 44 - Roasted Gorgonzola Flavored Oven Crisp Crackers

Keep reading, even if you hate gorgonzola. 

I am not a cracker person.  When I think of a snack or a nibble, crackers don’t come to mind.  But I am glad these ended up at our house, because they are yummy!

These are some fine crackers

At first glance, there are many things that could go wrong with these crackers.  First off, lots of people hate strong cheeses like gorgonzola.  I personally am a gorgonzola fan, so that was a plus for me.  What worried me was that they are “gorgonzola flavored”.  I feared that the quotation marks around “flavor” might mean some fakey sort of flavoring.  I also anticipated a powdery goo that would stick to my fingers when I munched on these.  And the last possible thing that could have gone wrong (in my humble opinion) was “oven crisp” – as in – kinda sorta healthy instead of just SNACKY.

Very reasonable price!

But nope, nope, and nope – these are good!  The flavor is NOT strong.  In fact, I would bet if you put some of these in a little dish on the coffee table and hid the box, even your friends who “hate gorgonzola” would like them!  There is not a powder that flakes off onto your fingers.  And they do not taste all bland and flavor-less like some “baked” snacks do. 

Roasted Gorgonzola crackers for the win!

Price – $2.29 (a good price for a lot of crackers)

Rating – 4