Tiramisu Torte

First off, let me say this:  I MADE A HUGE PARTY FAUX PAS.  I was invited to a Cinco de Mayo dinner (yes, I am THAT FAR BEHIND in reviews, I am writing on September 20^th about something I ate on May 5^th, don’t judge…).  Anyway, I was invited to a Cinco de Mayo dinner and asked to bring dessert.  Not only did I not bake or make anything, I didn’t even bring anything appropriate for the theme!!!  Yes, I was “that guest” that showed up at a dinner with a boxed dessert from TJ’s, an Italian Tiramisu to be precise.

But, but, butttt, to make matters even worse, it turns out that the party hosts (who I am related to and should know better) are not fans of tiramisu.

Fail fail fail on all fronts, Susan (I say to myself in the third person).  You win the SUCKY GUEST award.

Hey, at least I didn't just bring it over still in the BOX!  As you can see here when you peek
into our fridge, I put it on a very pretty plate (and you can also see that we have a 3/4 empty
bottle of margarita mix and some left over pizza in the fridge...  Charming.)

Ok, now that I have gotten that off my chest, let’s take a look at Trader Joe’s Tiramisu Torte, shall we??  (NOTE – until today when I finally wrote up this review, I thought we had been eating and reviewing Tiramisu, not Tiramisu Torte…  See note at the end of this article.)

It looks pretty on the box, no?

I shared this product with my in-laws, Greg, Joan, and Chris.  I served tiny slices since we had just indulged in lots of tacos for dinner.  Here is what people thought:

Chris:  Chris is a college student who had just returned home for the summer. He is not a fan of coffee (an important element of tiramisu….).  Here is what he thought, “It… Ummm…  It is not BAD….  I am not the biggest fan of coffee and coffee flavors, so naturally I am not THAT keen on it…  But the coffee flavor is not so overwhelming that I can’t continue eating it.  It’s good.  I give it a 1.75.”  (Editor’s note:  for someone who hates coffee, he sure did eat the whole piece of tiramisu.)

Me:  I didn’t choke on this tiramisu, and I have choked on others in the past.  You know that whole thing where you accidentally suck a big breath in just as your fork-load of tiramisu reaches your mouth, and you choke on the powder??  (Crickets…)  Umm, you don’t know that feeling?  Is it just ME then??  Well, this particular tiramisu did not have that weird affect, so that’s a plus.  I like the texture of this dessert – the bottom layer was not what I would call a “normal” tiramisu layer.  I also liked that the dessert had some little chunks in it – little chocolate bits, which tasted good.  The middle layer seemed almost ice cream-ish, almost like an ice cream cake.  It was obviously very easy to prepare.  I like it.  it would be nice to pair with an espresso if you are a coffee lover.  I do think it is sort of expensive when you compare it to other stuff at Trader Joe's.  I give this a 3.75.

As you can see, David thought it was going to be a good dessert.
Sadly, he didn't even get to eat any of it, since he was busy that night and couldn't come to the dinner.

Greg (father of the family also not a coffee fan, which I obviously forgot before I brought this dessert to the gathering):  “It is sweet.  The texture is good.  But it is coffee.  I give it a 2.”  (Editor’s note:  he DID finish his whole piece.)

Joan (mother of the family, liker of coffee):  “There was nothing exactly bad about this, but if you could only eat one dessert, I would choose many other desserts over this…  The best part were the fresh raspberries (editor:  I added those, they do not come in the box 😊 ).  The bottom is like chocolate cake, not the traditional tiramisu layer.  It did not appear to have been SOAKED in coffee.  It was somewhat dry-ish.  The coffee flavor reminded me more of Kahlua than coffee – so more like a coffee syrup.  In general I am not a big fan of tiramisu.  This was not tiramisu-ish, so I thought it would be better for me…  But I would prefer a cheesecake to this.  This looked more like cheesecake than tiramisu actually, though it had a nipple…  (Greg pointed out that the nipple was an indicator that it was mass produced.  The TJ's price tag says it is handmade, so...  Not sure.)  The cocoa powder was the highlight for me.  I would give this tiramisu a 1.”

The raspberries (also from Trader Joe's, of course) made the plates look pretty and were Joan's favorite part.

Ok then…  This tiramisu is made in ITALY.  Maybe this is more like a real ITALIAN version of the dessert?  It is hard to know what to give the product overall, since most of the taste testers were not fans of the ingredients, let alone the final product.  But I think the fact that I, someone who likes tiramisu, and Joan, someone who may not be the biggest tiramisu fan but a lover of coffee, both were not bowled away by this dessert says something.  I am not going to score this with a mathematical average of all reviewers because that seems harsh, but I am going to take all viewpoints into consideration before slapping on a final number.

Also, now that I look at the photos I took, I see this is not called TIRAMISU, it is called TIRAMISU TORTE…  So obviously, that explains why it didn’t seem like “regular” tiramisu and we were looking at it thru the wrong lens!!!

Does that fact negate our reviews??  Perhaps…  But I still think our opinions were pretty clear – this isn’t a “must eat” dessert, no matter what you call it.  whether you are counting calories or counting pennies, I would use your diet and your money in another manner…

Price tag

Price:  $6.99

Rating: 2.75

Cold Brew Latte Dessert Bars

This is a brand new product for us (and new to Trader Joe's, too).  It is the 2^nd of 2 “cold brew” Trader Joe’s products we have tried lately (in case you missed it, here is my review of - French Vanilla Cold Brew ).  

Cold Brew Latte Dessert Bars - how will they taste???

We tried this “dessert bar” on a lovely spring day (it was 75 degrees!) after we had spent the entire day outside doing things that needed to be done:  cleaning out the car port, trimming rose bushes, pulling weeds, repairing outdoor steps, and cleaning picture frames that I will use in an upcoming art project.  After all of that work, I thought we deserved a treat!  So, we plopped down on the back stoop, sat in the sunshine, listened to birds sing, and ate COLD BREW LATTE DESSERT BARS.  Here is what we thought:

One of the rose bushes I trimmed!  

Susan:  Honest truth:  we do not eat popsicles at our house much.  The only time we ever have them is if someone is sick with a fever (and that someone would have to be ME 'cuz I don’t think David would ever be lying in his sick bed and ask for a popsicle…) or if it is colonoscopy prep time (HEALTH NOTE:  IF YOU ARE AGE 50 OR OLDER OR HAVE A FAMILY HISTORY OF COLON CANCER, NOW WOULD BE A GREAT TIME TO MAKE AN APPOINTMENT FOR A COLONOSCOPY!  This reminder brought to you by someone on the “every 5 year” plan.)  In those situations, we buy a box of popsicles.  The sick/colonoscopy person eats one, perhaps two popsicles, and the remaining frozen confections stay in the freezer until they have ice crystals all over them and are so gummy they stick to the paper, at which point I throw them out.  Sometimes I am smart enough to give them away to someone on my local “Buy Nothing” group, which I prefer to wasting them for sure.

But back to the Cold Brew Latte Dessert Bars…

Here is what they look like (with the green, green backdrop of our backyard!)

These are the same consistency as Dreamsicles.  I would think that would make me not like them, since I am not a Dreamsicle fan, but apparently it is not the texture but the taste of Dreamsicles that is yucky to me, cuz I like these TJ’s Cold Brew Latte Bars.  They taste good!  I personally would prefer a bit more coffee flavor in them, but even as is I like these.  They are good for a warm summer day.  They taste like an adult version of a popsicle. 

I am not sure if Trader Joe’s will keep these in stock, or if they were just a part of their recent coffee mania where every 3^rd product on the shelves was coffee flavored (including a body scrub…).  I hope they keep them in stock through the summer.  I give these dessert bars a 4.

This baby bunny lives in our yard and entertains us all the time.  He prefers grass to Cold Brew Latte Bars

David:  “I am not a big popsicle fan, but this is very nice.  It has enough milky, creamy stuff in it to make it quiescently frozen."  (Editor’s note:  The word “quiescently” made me giggle.  I mean, QUIESCENTLY??  Who USES a word like that??  Don’t worry, I look it up so you don’t have to:  “Quiescent:  adjective  1.  Being at rest; quiet; still; inactive or motionless.”   Yup, now that I know the meaning, I can confirm, these dessert bars were motionless!) 

Back to David’s review: "So, this is nice!  It is kind of like a coffee flavored, no, a CAPPUCCINO FLAVORED Dreamsicle.   I would give it a 4.”

Nice treat after a long day of working outdoors.

Not too expensive - try 'em!

Price: $1.99

Rating:  4

Bonus photo: Yikes!  Sean Spicer is in our bushes!!!!  

Chocolate Almond Butter Tarte (the "e" on the end makes it fancy!)

We had a very special guest reviewer help us out on this one – our friend AMEDEO who was visiting from Italy!  We served him pasta with our homemade pesto (he loved the pesto!!  A rave review on our pesto from a real live Italian, that made me proud.)

An out of town (out of country!) visitor meant we got to sight see in our own city - I love that!
Here are David and Amedeo at the Lincoln Memorial.

But we are not here to review our pesto, we are here to review Trader Joe’s Chocolate Almond Butter Tarte!  Here is what David thought:  “This tarte is very good.  It is chocolate-y, but it is not too chocolate-y.  It is not like a chocolate bar.  It is between the softness of mousse and the moistness of pudding (EDITOR'S NOTE:  It is chocolate GANACHE, isn't that fancy schmancy??).  It has a bottom that I like (I like my tarts like I like my women, with a nice bottom!) (Editor’s note again: he’s here all week, folks!).  It is flavorful.  It has a hint of nuts on it.  it is good for the end of a meal and would be good with an espresso.  I would give this a 4.5.”

Doesn't it look SO PRETTY on the box?

Amedeo thought: “E molto buona dopo cena (it is very good after dinner). I think 4.5 is good.”

It is just as pretty in real life!

My take on it:  I think this is GOOD.  I was worried it might be a bit too chocolate-y for me after eating a big meal, but it is not too much chocolate.  It is a light rather than strong chocolate taste.  It’s a nice dessert and pairs well with a red wine.  I personally could use a little more NUT taste.  We all liked the texture – it is a bit of a double texture when considering the chocolate part and the crust.  That’s nice!

Delicious!  

The box says there are 4 servings, but we all agreed that the servings would be too big to cut it into 4.  6 servings seems more reasonable.  Because we did not eat it all for dinner, we had some leftovers the next morning for breakfast and reviewed it again.  I preferred it for DINNER because it was so good with red wine.  I do not oppose eating it for breakfast, but I liked it better at night.  Amedeo agreed that it tasted better for dinner, the mousse part was not as good in the morning after being refrigerated overnight.  David thought it was delicious for breakfast and loved pairing it with coffee, so he votes to eat it for breakfast!!

We all agreed that whenever you eat it, eat it in one sitting for the best taste.  This one is a treat worth getting – try it!  The signage at our local Trader Joe's said it was a new product, so pick one up next time you are shopping. I think the boys got the rating spot on so I will agree with them – it gets a 4.5 from me, too.

This is very reasonably priced.  Recommended!

Price: $5.99

Rating: 4.5 (from all 3 reviewers)

Bonus photo - David and Amedeo with the Washington Monument behind them :)

Molten Salted Butterscotch Macarons

Well this is awwwwkward…  I am doing something unusual for me today – I am working on the blog in public.  Normally I hole up at home to write, but today I decided to pack up the computer and head to Panera to write a review.  It just so happens that the Panera I chose is a couple doors down from our favorite Trader Joe’s.  And it appears that there is a bit of a TJ’s employee meeting happening here even as I type!  Several TJ’s peeps are decked out in their TJ’s attire eating and chatting nearby!  (Not near enough for me to be eavesdropping, mind you, or for THEM to see me setting out to write what is sure to be a negative review of one of their products…)  Like I said, awkward…

So yeah – Molten Salted Butterscotch Macarons.  I mean – judging from the name alone – these things have to be FABULOUS, right??!  Nothing about the name suggests anything other than greatness.  I was excited when we saw these in the frozen food section at TJ’s.  We had been invited over for a very belated Christmas celebration with our in-laws and we were in charge of bringing dessert.  “Bam!  Dessert chosen!” I thought when we saw these.  The serving size says 1 macaron, and there are 2 to a box.  Our dinner event would have 5 guests, so we weren’t sure how many boxes to buy.  We grabbed 2 boxes, thinking we could cut them in half and people could grab at them until they were gone.

They look pretty on the box, don't they?

We needn’t have worried.  Let’s just say, there was no fighting over these puppies.

They were easy to cook – you just bung them in the microwave.  Please note that “they were easy to cook” statement, as it is likely to be the last positive statement about this product in this review. 

Reviewers were us and our in-laws, who are notoriously LOW GRADERS on this blog.  I usually take that into account, that their opinion of products is consistently lower than ours, but on this one, we were all pretty much agreed.



Photo with my hand so you can get the idea of how big these suckers are.

Greg:  “It has a…  (VERY LOUD PRETEND BARFING SOUND)…  I get a bitter, salty, BURNED taste (very ugly facial expression).  I give these a -1.  (Editor’s note – I explained that he could not rate a product less than a 0, so he changed his score to a 0.)

Chris (our nephew, a senior in high school, who eats everything):  “Well, I do agree with Dad…  The mixture of flavors in the taste aspect is a little more BITTER rather than SWEET.  And the wafers don’t add much taste to the overall effect of the fake macarons.  I think the caramel-y-ness of this dish is a little overwhelming really.  Out of a possible 5 I would give this a 1.75.”

Chris LOOKS happy to be eating this dessert, but he was faking it.  He is an actor.

David:  “I am gonna say (pause to eat more…)….  Not a lotta taste here (“Amen!” heard in the background from Chris).  The macaroons are okay.  I think they would be okay, they would be BETTER with something CREAMY like whipped cream in the middle.  This filling that they’ve got doesn’t really make it for me.  It is, as they said, rather BURNED tasting.  It is sliiiiightly sweet, but I don’t think it’s a good idea.  I am gonna give it a 2.25.”

Joan:  “I LOVE CARAMEL.  I was excited to try this dessert.  I found the caramel VERY disappointing.  And the cookie – I left that on my plate… .  (Editor’s note:  SNAP!  DAMN!  COLD HEARTED!!!  She didn’t even EAT the cookie part!) I took the extra effort to LICK the caramel out of the center, but it doesn’t taste very caramel-y.  I still found it very disappointing  I give them a .5 .”

The macaron part was unworthy of Joan's attention.

Susan:  I, like Joan, was VERY EXCITED about these.  In fact I have a picture of David with them in the store practically peeing his pants he was so excited about them.  Soooo – these definitely did NOT live up to our expectation. The size is TOO BIG.  They would be nicer if they were 6 little petite teeny bits instead of 2 big honkin’ ones.  The macarons are too thick.  I don’t taste the same “burnt” taste that the others tasted, and I also don’t taste the salt.  And Joan and I agree – it also doesn’t taste very CARAMEL-ish.  But if it all came down to it, I would rather have some caramel in a DISH and not this blob of stuff masquerading as dessert.  And Trader Joe’s makes some DELICIOUS caramels.  Those are more worthy of your money and your calories.  In fact, Chris suggests that even a Werther’s candy would be more caramel tasting and yummier.  I like that these were WARM.  I like that the inside was mushy.  But these are a big disappointment.  I would give these a 2.

See???  We were excited about them before we tasted them...

One really lucky thing happened to our belated Christmas dinner:  Joan received an edible arrangement – fruit dipped in chocolate – as a gift for helping a little old lady out during the blizzard.  So even though the Molten Salted Butterscotch Macarons were a flop, the dinner was a big success and we ate chocolate dipped fruit on sticks for dessert!!

We ended up returning the second box of these yucky macarons to Trader Joe’s and of course, they took them back no questions asked. 

Overall review:  these are over-sized, over-priced, and super yucky.  Don’t get them. 

Price – $3.99

Rating (average of 5 reviewers) -  1.5

P.S. – We also went to see the hilarious political satire group “The Capitol Steps” after dinner.  If you are ever in the DC region you should see them.  Of course, given the current political climate they have a LOT of funny material to choose from.  It’s almost too easy, really.  If you want to hear one of their songs you can have a listen here (this is not my favorite one, they had one with Ruth Bader Ginsberg that cracked me up.) Jeb song  Learn more about them here:  Capitol Steps site

P.P.S. – Sales pitch from Chris – if you are in the Northern Virginia area stop by TOBY’S HOMEMADE ICE CREAM AND COFFEE in Westover.  You can get a Salted Caramel Ice Cream for $2.65 (small).  Chris works there.  J

Day 296 - Mini Hold the Cone

Today’s product, Mini Hold the Cone, was recommended to me by Elizabeth, age 5 (AND A HALF, apparently the half is uber important!) and her mom.  Her mom said Elizabeth thought these were great and they thought we should try them.  So of course WE DID.  I mean, Elizabeth is so stinkin’ cute I think I would do anything she said, wouldn’t you?  (Side note – she is also really smart.  This girl is the whole package, friends.)

Elizabeth, the world's cutest reviewer, in action, carefully tasting a cone to prepare for her review....

Here is what our little friend, age 5 ½ had to say about these little ice cream cones:  “I give these a FIVE, because there is chocolate around the edge of the cone!!  And they’re TINY, so you can eat BUNCHES of them!!”.  Ahhh, I am sure this makes her mother so proud…  (Her mom tries to feed her healthy stuff, I wonder if Elizabeth snuck these in the shopping cart…)

David, our second adorable reviewer

Here is what David, age slightly older than 5 ½ had to say about these:  “The chocolate ice cream is good.  The chocolate around it is good, although somewhat thin as a coating.  The waffle cone is kind of chewy to get a bit of, but it does taste just like a very nice sugar cone.  The portion size is a little bit small – I recommend eating 4 or 5 of these for a portion…  And I guess I am usually – I like a cone once the ice cream has MELTED INTO IT a bit more to soften it up, but there isn’t really time for that with these.  I would give it a 3.75.”

The box of cones

Ours were chocolate

And here is what I think (again, I am coming in at a “more mature” age than Elizabeth):  The bottom of the cone has some chocolate dribbled in it to make it solid so that the ice cream can’t dribble through, I like that.  I think the ice cream is good.  The chocolate on the top is fine.  But to me the cone tastes like cardboard.  I love a good sugar cone and this one doesn’t cut it for me.  It is hard to bite and not all that tasty of a cone.  I agree with David that the portion size is small.  I think these would be good if you had little kids and you wanted to control their sugar intake.  I think you could give them one of these and they could eat it and not be bouncing off the walls.  The idea of these pre-made tiny cones is really good, I just wish there was a method to make them without turning the cones into cardboard.  I give them a 3.

David thinks you could serve these at a cocktail party, but I disagree on that one and would instead serve them at Elizabeth’s 6^th birthday party.

A shot of our guest reviewer hamming it up for the camera

Overall, I think if you have KIDS this is a good thing to pick up at Trader Joe’s.  They are pretty yummy, fast, and a cute petite size.

I almost forgot to mention what a SWELL NAME this product has.  Trader Joe’s is excellent at puns – Hold the Cone, adorable. 

Not a bad price - there are 8 cones in the package.  The recommended serving size is ONE, but I think both
David and Elizabeth would laugh at that as they each ate half a box of cones.

Sooooo, we have 3 reviewers with vastly different scores.  We have a 3, a 3.75, and a 5…  Since Elizabeth is a kid, and since this is her first review with us, I think HER SCORE should count more than the adult scores.  So I will “blend” the 3 together instead of doing the math and getting an actual average.

P.S. - NEWSFLASH!!  This just in from Elizabeth's mom, DeeLayne, "My PSA for the day:  Beware the mini or fun sized food!  I've recently discovered mini ice cream cones, but they work on the same premise as fun sized candy bars:  you eat about 40 of htem, because, hey, they're tiny!"
YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED...

Price – $2.99 (works out to .37 cents per tiny cone)

Rating – 4.25 (thanks to Elizabeth :))

Day 286 - Mini Pumpkin Pies

This pie is so tasty that when I dropped a piece of mine on the floor, I picked it up and popped it in my mouth (note:  it did qualify for the 5 second rule…).  This was our first PUMPKIN flavored thing of this Trader Joe’s PUMPKIN SEASON (seriously, TJ’s goes insane this time of year and makes every single item available in pumpkin flavor – pumpkin this and pumpkin that…)

Here are boxes of these cutie patootie little pies still in the freezer section at Trader Joe's

 The on these pies crust is nice.  It has little sugar crystals on it.  Trader Joe’s has different varieties of “mini pies” and they all seem to have the same crust. (see the review of the Mini Pie Medley here and see the review of the seasonal Mini Pecan Pies here ).  I think the crust is a great match for this pumpkin filling.  We ate these little pies for dessert and paired them with a Vin de Bordeaux from TJ’s.

Here is a San Pellegrino lid next to a pie to show the size

The wine we paired these with

These pies taste like a little tiny taste of Thanksgiving.  J  They are not really BARBIE sized – Cabbage Patch size is more accurate.  I made one for each of us for dessert but David (who normally doesn’t like pumpkin things) snuck back into the kitchen and heated up a second one for himself.  We also had them for BREAKFAST Saturday morning.  Cuz what the hell – it’s the WEEKEND, life is short – eat pie for breakfast right??

This would be a good dessert to serve if you were having an autumn dinner party and had a little platter of various desserts.  We ate ours warm and did not add ice cream or whipped cream on top, we just ate them naked. 

David says, “I like these, too.  The best part about it is the crust which is delicious and soft and nice.  The filling is pumpkin, so if you are a fan of pumpkin pie (which I am not terribly…) you will like this.  I think a crust this nice should be graced with some fruit filling, but if I have to have pumpkin pie, then give me pumpkin pie with lots of good CRUST like this has!”

Hmm David, this is pie number 2 for you...  You don't look like you are disliking this pumpkin...

I think part of the reason this pie works well is that it has some crust on TOP.  Normally pumpkin pie (in my experience) has a bottom crust, then a huge ass can of pumpkin…  This results in way more PUMPKIN than crust.  But these little TJ’s pies balance the pumpkin to crust ratio better.  David agrees with that.  He loves this crust. 

Reasonably priced little treats

If you are only going to invest in one pumpkin item this year from Trader Joe’s – this one would be worthy.  And if you didn’t read yesterday’s review of PUMPKIN BODY BUTTER, you probably should… 

Price – $3.99

Rating – 4.25