Strawberry Rhubarb Pie

Let me begin by saying, DAVID DOES NOT LET PIE GO TO WASTE.  David loves him some pie.  I mean, he loves all desserts, including pie.  This being his reality, his eyes lit up when he saw this Strawberry Rhubarb pie in Trader Joe’s this week.

Of course, he got it.  Heck, he has been working hard lately and deserves a special treat!  Only, when we served it later the same evening, it didn’t turn out to be a treat at all…

The label promised the dessert would be "mouth watering"

Here is David’s review of the pie:  “Surprisingly, I don’t like this pie.  And the CRUST is the heart of why, really.  The crust is underdone or something – it is not pleasant.  And then once you get through the crust all you have is tart rhubarb and not very strong strawberry taste.  I would like to take it back and return it, it’s that bad.  I would rather have a cherry pie instead of this, and I am not a big fan of cherry pies.  I like strawberry rhubarb pies, they remind me of when I lived in England and my friend Toby’s mom would make it.  But this pie by Trader Joe’s is not good.  I give it a 2, but those points are just because it is a PIE.”

Isn't it pretty?  Looks like something your Great Aunt would bring to the 4th of July picnic or something.

Here is what I thought of it:  “This was a beautiful pie.  It had sweet stars on the top, which gives it extra points in my book because they make the pie pretty.  😊  The colors of the strawberries and rhubarb peeking through the stars is also appealing to the eye.  I am not a “pie person”.  I would not usually choose pie from a dessert menu, but since David wanted this one, I jumped on board.  Surprisingly, I liked it.  the sweetness of the strawberries and the tartness of the rhubarb were a nice combination.  Sadly, the CRUST was underdone and sort of dough-y.  That was a turn-off.  I give it a 3.25.”

The trees are all in bloom in Washington DC!  HAPPY SPRING EVERYONE!

Note:  David did not end up taking the pie back.  He wanted to, but I cut another little slice out to eat for breakfast, and it seems tacky to take a product back and say, “This tastes crappy” when there is, like, 1/3 of it already eaten.  Trader Joe’s are great about accepting returns of things you do not like, and if we get a real clunker we don’t hesitate to take it back, but we don’t want to abuse their kind return policy.

Price:  $6.99

Rating:  2.5

Fruit Fancies

If you are new to Trader Joe’s, you may not know about HOLIDAY PRODUCTS.  Oh, November and December are magical months at Trader Joe’s!!  Products appear on the shelves that you have never seen before (or at least haven’t seen since last holiday season)!!  The die hards (like me) rush to Trader Joe’s as soon as word gets out that the holiday items are trickling in.  And each trip to the grocery store turns into an exciting journey – what will I find this time?  What will be new?  What special treat will make its way into my cart???

It was in that holiday haze that the FRUIT FANCIES made their way into our lives. 

Aren't they pretty?  And don't they look FANCY?  I mean, the word FANCY is right there in the NAME!

Do you think the sign maker at the Fairfax Virginia store had tasted these and KNEW they were not fancy, thus made them this pretty non-fancy sign?  That's my theory.  It was a SIGN...  A sign I should have paid attention to...

What can I say, I was smitten???  They looked good to me for some reason…  Sure, they seemed sort of like “Grandma and Grandpa” treats.  Or like little rolled up turds covered in sesame seeds and coconut.  But the BOX – oh man – the BOX they came in was lovely!  It had dovetailed corners!  The box is what sold me.  That, and the fact that we were heading to Omaha to celebrate the holidays, and we would be staying with my dad and his wife, who are not only Grandparents, they are Great-Grandparents!  So even if this treat was “Grandparent food”, we would be sharing it with actual grandparents, so all would be good!

I asked my dad to make a funny face.  He did.  I love it.  

Only, we never got around to eating them in Omaha…  So, they came back, unopened, then made their way to Florida!  “We will bring them next door and share them with the neighbors,” I reasoned.  Only, you see where this is going, we didn’t do that either.

Christmas Day 2017 - too busy to be bothered by Fruit Fancies...

So, before you know it, it was the last day of January and the Fruit Fancies were still unopened.  But after we ate dinner while watching “Amazing Race” (go team Brainiacs!) , David ripped into these special treat, and, well, they ended up being not so special after all…   Oh, and before you say, “Susan, of course they tasted like %&*#, they were a HOLIDAY ITEM and you let them sit until almost February!  They were too old!” – N-O.  They didn’t expire until 11/18. 

OK, here is what we thought of them:

David:  “Well, these are different.  They are like Fig Newtons that have even less moisture in them, and perhaps a little extra fiber.  They are dry.  The mouth feel is not a joy ride for me.  These things suck the moisture right out of your mouth!  I give them a 1.  The reason I am not giving them a 0 is that they do not taste bad, they just do not taste good.  The box is alright, but it is a little skinny to use for anything else.  I have to respect the dovetail jointing.”

David didn't fancy these, did fancy them at all.  

Susan:  I am just gonna say it – I was duped by the wooden, dovetailed box.  They punked me!  I think the term for this type of duped is “The Hickory Farm Effect”.  You know how Hickory Farms always had (is it has – does PF still exist in the MALL SETTING where they had special displays of meat and cheese for the holidays?) really attractive PACKAGING?  Like, “Put it in a basket, then the dyed orange cheese with pimentos and nuts will sell!!”.  Yeah – Trader Joe’s Hickory Farmed me with this one! 

The treats looked very pretty in the packaging.  Each one was topped with a whole nut on top – some with almonds and some with walnuts.  The things that “encrusted” each piece – sesame seeds or coconut – looked lovingly applied.  Each piece looked like a fancy, Mediterranean delight.  To my EYES, they looked like they would taste a bit exotic, sweet, a bit juicy, perhaps fig-like, and yummy.

But EYES are not what actually TASTE things… 

These are a product from Turkey.  But they are not “from Turkey” in a sexy, romantic, exotic kind of way.  They are not good.  I ate 2 – one of each variety.  I thought David ate ONE, but later learned he could only stomach ¼ of 1 and threw out the rest (that man never throws out a sweet!!). 

The NUT on top of each piece was nice, but there was only one nut per piece.  I guess a person could just pop the nut off the top of each one and eat only that, but it would be easier and cheaper just to head over to the TJ’s nut aisle and get yourself a whole bag of nuts.  I will give this product a 1.5 (the majority of the score is for the cool box and the nuts on top).

Sorry Trader Joe's, we don't really want these anymore....

Let this be a lesson to me (and to you): not ALL Trader Joe’s holiday products are lovely.  Even the pretty ones are sometimes duds.  Luckily, Trader Joe’s happily accepts any returns, so we took this back.  Our cashier saw the return and said, “Oh yeah, I didn’t like those things either…” 😊 . 

You can’t get this product at Trader Joe’s right now since it was seasonal, but if it does come back next year, I suggest you pass.  Grab some of the other delightful items, and leave them for some other sucker to get Hickory Farmed.

Price:  $5.99 

Rating:  1.25

Fake Trader Joe's, Mt. Pleasant, SC Trader Joe's, and Salty Honey Toffee Milk Chocolate Covered Crackers

Guys, WE WERE PUNKED!

We are on vacation.  Of course, that means VISITING NEW (to us) TRADER JOE'S stores, so I searched on my phone to see where the local Trader Joe’s are near Charleston, SC and 2 came up – one in Charleston proper and one near Mt. Pleasant.  We were in Charleston at the time, so I put the address of that one in the GPS and off we went.

Only, it was a FAKER JOE’S!!!!

Trader Joe's my a** - this is a THRIFT SHOP!

Look!  It was a junky old thrift store!!   And it is so  junky that even as a thrift store it gets some lousy reviews on Yelp!  (Note:  I love thrift stores.  But this one looked particularly sketchy, plus it punked me…)  Doesn’t the font even look like the real TJ’s font???  I think they are walking on thin ice here…  If anyone from Trader Joe’s corporate reads this – check these people out, man!  They are trading on your good name!

Look - they even sell used furniture for college.  (Why do the last THREE items have "and"s before them?
Did they just keep thinking of more amazing products they sell and write them on the truck?

The AirBnb we are staying at is in Mt. Pleasant, so off we went toward that Trader Joe’s address (with me taking a bit more care this time to make sure it was an honest to goodness TJ’s and not another fakey fakerton!).  Found it- REAL STORE.  I think it was our 29th TJ's visited in the 14th state, and it was very nice!!

Mt. Pleasant, South Carolina Trader Joe's!!

First off – look what they have for pooches!

Awwww - isn't that sweet??  A DOGGY DOCK!

I am not a dog person, but even I think it is awesome that they treat their 4 legged friends so nicely!

Secondly, the employees were great!!  They were so friendly and helpful!  The sample area is adorable – it is set up like a light house and very welcoming.  And the employees working the floor were so sweet!!  They helped me hunt for local South Carolina stuff (scored some local brew 😊 ).  And one of them even gave me a Trader Joe’s reusable shopping bag!  Isn’t that so sweet??  (ATTENTION TRADER JOE’S CORPORATE, IT IS ME AGAIN WITH A MESSAGE FOR YOU:  SOUTH CAROLINA NEEDS STATE SPECIFIC BAGS, MAN!  If the other states can have ‘em, good old South Carolina needs them, too!  They are getting ripped off by having to sell the generic bags.  Pony up!  They are totally worth it.)

Even the bathrooms in Mt. Pleasant are awesome!!!!
Gender neutral - if you are a mermaid or a fisherdude, here is where you pee!

I really liked the layout, lighting, cleanliness, and artwork at this location.  Here is my favorite sign:

GREAT SIGN!!!  Whoever paints the signs in Mt. Pleasant deserves a raise

Isn’t it great?? 

I love this sign.  And not just because I am a mermaid and sea shell fan.  It has great info!!  Look - they will open
 anything for you and let you taste it (except alcohol).  And NO QUESTIONS ASKED for returns.  Trader Joe's rocks.

I liked everything about this store.  As we were leaving we saw this sign:

Mt. Pleasant shoppers - find TJ the Turtle!

Their mascot at this location is TJ the Turtle.  I wish we had been hunting for him while we were there!  I didn’t think of it til we saw this sign.  If we pop in again we will see if we can find TJ.

OK, now onto a review!  ,Let’s talk about Salty Honey Toffee Milk Chocolate Covered Crackers.  (We did not get these at the Mt. Pleasant, SC store, these were from our “home store” in Virginia.)

The box says CRACKERS - but are they really CRACKERS?

David’s take on this one:  “These are very nice.  There are all different kinds of sweet and chocolate-y and toffee-ish – the chocolate is very good which is nice.  The big surprise is that in the middle, where you would expect a shortbread cookie or something, it turns out to be something like a SALTINE CRACKER!  It is a little bit more substantial, but a cracker none the less.  And you think, “Well that doesn’t belong in here!!” but then, after you chew it awhile, you go, “You know what??  It is good that it is bringing a different kind of flavor to the experience!”  particularly it is bringing a blank palette – against which the chocolate and the toffee can play – and it brings the SALT, the grains of salt, which makes it so nice and tasty.  I would have to subtract .25 points though, because it doesn’t ADD cookie-ness to it, it just provides a blank canvas against the rest of the cookie can play.  I am gonna give this a 4.75.”

"I wonder what these are like!!  They have CHOCOLATE, I bet I will like them!"

This photo was the SECOND time we got them - he looks happy to be getting them again .

My take:  I also was surprised by the cracker.  Sure, the box says CRACKER, but I thought, “Certainly that can’t mean an honest to goodness cracker….”  I was certainly wrong on that.   I think this whole thing would be better if it were not so THICK.  It is just too HARD.  It is difficult to bite through it or to break it – it is super hard.  I think if they made it half as thick it would be twice as good. 

Aren't they pretty?  (This is on a tiny plate.)

The package says there is a hint of coffee but neither of us could pick up on that.  This product is quite MESSY.  I broke mine in half and then ate them and little bits flew everywhere. 

I do not dislike these, but I wouldn’t say they are amazing or anything.  The box says serving size is 2 crackers – I ate 1.5 and that was plenty for me.  I would give these a 3.5.

Price: $3.99

Rating: 4.25

English Butter Fudge

If you have ever wondered if I am a Trader Joe’s employee, or are somehow getting compensated from Trader Joe’s for these reviews, you obviously haven’t read any of the “clunkers”.  Not all products we try get a rave review, that’s for sure.  And today’s happens to be one of those – let’s use “nice language” like our mothers taught us and just say, “It wasn’t one of our favorites…”.

My mom

David's mom - they taught us well :)

Here is what we thought of Trader Joe’s ENGLISH BUTTER FUDGE.

Let’s get David’s take first.  Remember, David is a man who loves him some desserts.  He eats cookies.  He eats cake.  He eats candy.  And he loves chocolate bars.  In fact, before trying the English Butter Fudge, he was eating a fancy candy bar I got him for Valentine’s Day from Harris Teeter (shhhh, it is another grocery store, a competitor of Trader Joe’s, and the fact that I went there is another dead giveaway that I am not on the TJ’s payroll!). 

It LOOKS tasty enough

David:  “I never thought I would say this, but it is TOOOOO SUGARY.  (Much laughter from me upon hearing this statement, as this may be the first time in my nearly 30 years of being with the man that I have heard these words come out of his mouth.)  This is probably what the English eat for FUDGE.  I think it needs more CREAM, rather than that glucose syrup condensed milk stuff.  I give this a 1.5 rating."

This is, of course, in the store BEFORE he tried this sugary fudge!  He looks happy, doesn't he??
Little does he know what he is in for....  

Susan:  The box says this is a product of England.  The first ingredient listed is, indeed, SUGAR.  However, the title of the product does not have the word SUGAR in it.  I expected more buttery-ness!  And some FUDGE-Y-NESS for heaven’s sake.  It is called English BUTTER FUDGE, is it not?  I think a more accurate title would be “Super Ass Sugar English Butter Fudge”!!

Other ingredients listed make your teeth hurt to read.  It is basically sugar, sugar, sugar with a little bit of butter.  It says a serving size is 4 pieces, but I defy anyone to stomach that.  David says, “You would have to be drinking a lot of unsweetened tea or coffee to eat 4 pieces of this...  I say no, no.  I think we should take it back.  I can’t imagine eating that!”.

This is what he looked like AFTER he tried this English Butter Fudge.

I like the packaging of this “fudge”, and I like that it was something we haven’t had before.  It looked interesting.  I also was probably also attracted to the fact that it was from another country.  David adds, “Of course, not remembering when we saw it was from ENGLAND that English people at the highest amount of sugar per capita of any people in the world!” (editor’s note: I did not fact check this statement J ). 

Susan:  I had one piece.  The best thing I can say about it is that the pieces are too small.  If the good thing you have to say about a product is “the pieces are small”, then this is probably not the product for you.  David suggests dropping one piece of this in a cup of hot tea and you will be fine.

If you really, really like sugary stuff, you might like these.  We, however, did not like them.  I agree with David on the rating of 1.5.  We returned this product to Trader Joe’s and they happily took it back.  They are great about returns.  Thanks Joe!

Price:  $2.99

Rating:  1.5

Day 284 - Blueberry Kefir

I have a friend who loooooves kefir.  I don’t think she reads this blog, so I doubt she will see this.  J  But she told me about kefir.  Her kids like it a lot, too.  I had never had it, and since this friend also likes KOMBUCHA, to be honest with you I was skeptical to take any sort of food/drink advice from her… 

But then one night we were in Trader Joe’s and met Cecilia, the remarkably knowledgeable, friendly, and professional sample lady I wrote about a couple of weeks ago.  Well Cecilia went down a litany of products that she thought we “just had to try!!” and blueberry kefir was mentioned.  She must’ve seen my nose wrinkle up slightly at the mention of it, so she walked herself right over to the dairy department, grabbed a bottle of it, and cracked it open to share!  Cecilia was going to make a kefir fan out of me if I liked it or not!

Nice container

And she did!  I drank a little paper sample cup of the stuff and liked it!  Which led to BUYING a bottle of it.  Seeeeee how effective the sampling program is???*

Hard decision - strawberry or blueberry???

Anyway, I decided that for THIS product I would do (drum roll….) the FIRST EVER BI-COASTAL SKYPE VIDEO REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Les and I pre-Skype review - getting our Kefirs ready!!!

My friend Les Kurkendahl and I only get to see each other in the summer – he is a touring performer and so is David.  So sometimes Les, David, and I all end up in the same city at the same time, and that is fun!  

Here is a cute photo of Les

Les likes Trader Joe’s, so we worked and worked to find a time when he and I were both home (him in L.A. and me in D.C.) to Skype and review blueberry kefir.  Here is how that went:

I must clarify that in the Skype review I incorrectly stated to find this product in the produce department.  That is wrong – it is with dairy.

And I forgot to mention YOP!  “Yop!” was a drink in Paris that we loved.  It came in little bottles and it tasted like liquid yogurt.  Meeeeaning – maybe I HAD DRUNK KEFIR A LONG TIME AGO AND DIDN’T KNOW IT!  I bet Yop! was kefir!  We could never find anything really like it in America but now we have.  J

Hey - it's NEW!

*If you do not know this already, you can sample ANYTHING in Trader Joe’s – well, any pre-cooked thing.  Just ASK!  They will OPEN it for you and share!!  They WANT you to try stuff.  Cuz look what happens when you do – you might buy it!!!  (Note – they are NOT going to open a raw hunk of beef and cook it up for you, so don’t ask.  But in store personalized tastes are what got me hooked on Partially Popped Popcorn!  read review here    And that is totally what got me to buy this blueberry kefir!

Price – $2.99

Rating – 4.5

Day 115 - Brownie Chocolate Chip Cookies

These cookies seemed to have a LOT going for them – first off, the name itself starts with BROWNIE, that’s a good sign.  Then CHOCOLATE CHIPS, hello, those are tasaty!  And wait a minute – WALNUTS, TOO?  Stop the goodness before you overload me!   There were a few varieties in the same sweet, down home’y” looking packaging and they actually took up a bit of prime real estate on the shelves.   I figured we might have hit a homerun with this one!  I mean, who doesn’t like a good cookie? 

Don't they look delicious from the packaging?

Maybe that’s the problem – this is not a good cookie.  Turns out, these cookies are bleck.  The ingredient list swears otherwise, but they taste really ARTIFICIAL.  The sugar in them does not feel all the way dissolved, either, so there is a grainy quality.  And David felt they were undercooked.  (I felt they were UNDERWHELMING…)

We do not take returning products to Trader Joe’s lightly.  Seriously, we do NOT return things very often.  But we each ate one of these and then said, “Nah, we do not need these in our lives.  They are NOT good”.  After returning them, we later found one of the cookies at home that David had taken a bite out of and left on a plate not finished.  He THREW IT AWAY rather than eat it.  If THAT doesn’t tell you something, nothing will.  Because NOTHING will get between David and a good cookie!!!

$4.29 is nothing to sneeze at - we took them back

When we returned these, the nice guy working at Customer Service suggested we TASTE the bag of cookies that we were exchanging these yucky ones for before buying them.  The replacement ones were in the same cute packaging but were called Sutter’s Formula – peanut butter cookies with milk chocolate chunks.  I thought for suuuuure they would be better than the Brownie Chocolate Chip ones!!

Same price, still yucky

David was worried before we even opened the package and tasted these....

I was wrong again.  And boy was I glad the Trader Joe’s guy recommended we taste them before buying, because in the end we just said, “No thank you!  We will just stick to the big pile of stuff already in our cart,”.   So, although David and I each only ate part of one Sutter’s Formula Cookie, this will be their only mention in this year long blog.  I don’t feel as if I can give them a complete review on their own, or a score of their own, since we didn’t even purchase the bag and take it out of the store with us.

The score below is based only on the Brownie Chocolate Chip Cookies.

Price – $4.29

Rating – 2.25