Black Bean Rotini

This is a new Trader Joe’s product.  I found it on an end cap (you know, those shelves on the end of an aisle that retailers use to get your attention to sell you stuff).  I need to pause here to say this:  I do NOT read other online reviews of Trader Joe’s products before we try them. I do not want our opinions to be in any way influenced by what other people think of products.  However, you can bet your sweet bippy that as soon as I finished writing this review I am gonna check and see what other people thought about Trader Joe’s Black Bean Crap-ini – errr, I mean Rotini!!  But before I can begin my review, let me just say this:  if anyone else gave this a GOOD review, they are either getting paid by Trader Joe’s or they are drunk.  This is a super shi**y product. 

See this?  Don't buy it.

This is a horrible product.

We bought this rotini at our Northern Virginia Trader Joe’s.  It seemed interesting!  We planned on making the recipe for the shrimp pasta dish on the back of the bag, but we didn’t have time to make it at home, so we brought the crap-ini with us to Florida.  Last night we followed the recipe on the back of the bag, but we had to improvise a bit since there is not a Trader Joe’s near us here.  Instead of using TJ’s “Mushroom Medley” or “Roasted Peppers and Onions”, we used fresh mushrooms, peppers, and onions.  We didn’t have a jar of TJ’s Alfredo Sauce with us (which got a great review in this blog here ) so we bought another brand of sauce.  And instead of using TJ’s frozen shrimp, we went to a special fish store (Hull’s in Ormond Beach, FL, which rocks!) and bought fresh local shrimp.  Yes, we put a lot of heart into this meal…

The part we made – the veggies, sauce, and shrimp – was really good.

The pasta part – the Black Bean Rotini – was DISGUSTING.

Even David didn't like it.

Luckily we TASTED it before we poured our delectable sauce over it!  I would have been steaming mad if that excuse for a pasta had ruined the tasty sauce we made!!  I almost barfed when I tasted it, then we literally THREW IT AWAY.  We had made half a package and we pitched all of it into the garbage can.  We do NOT throw food away – there are too many people who go to bed hungry, and we do not have money to waste.  But that stuff was too gross to eat…  I taped up the other half of the bag and put it in our stuff to bring back home with us so that we can return it to Trader Joe’s.  And you can bet I will give them a link to this review when we return it so they can see exactly what we thought of it. 

I call it “Black Sh*t Rotini” instead of Black Bean Rotini.   We ended up eating our lovely shrimp sauce over leftover, reheated rice, and that was way better than the crapini!! 

The Black Bean Crapini was interesting LOOKING, but that is the only positive thing I can say about it.  It is a horrible texture in your mouth and the taste of it is soooo bad!!!  I mean, I like me some black beans, and I love me some pasta, but THIS, this ain’t either of those things!!  I give this product a big, fat ZERO (and I think only 2 other things have gotten a zero in this blog – the super disgusting Pumpkin Scones ( reviewed here ) and the undrinkable Cranberry Juice ( gross juice reviewed here ).  Heck, even that yucky Coconut Water got a .75, the Cherry Cider that tasted like drinking cough syrup got a 1.75 ( coconut water review here ), and the most ever read review on this blog, the “Head to Toe Moisturizing Balm” eeked out a 1.5 ( read this review before you invest in this head to toe crap ) !!

This coconut water was pretty rank, but it was still better than Black Bean Rotini...  Review here

Here is what David thought of it:  “I would have to concur with what Susan said.  It is BAD.  I mean, not as bad as rancid meat or fish, but the consistency is PASTY…  And then it is nothing like a PASTA…  There was nothing appealing at all in the taste.  I am a guy who rarely throws stuff out, but I didn’t want to eat it at all.  I would rather just find something else to eat, which is what we did.

Maybe, if you are a, you know, some sort of a vegan-loving straight-up masochistic vegetarian who likes things that taste bad, then this Black Bean Rotini will be appealing!!    I mean, I love me some bean thread noodles!  You can make noodles out of beans that are tasty…  But this???  Oh my God…

But this is a win!  This is a good news story.  TJ’s rotating stock encouraged us to try something NEW, which we did, and even though we didn’t like it, we are going to be able to take it back, give them our feedback, and get our money back.  That’s why we love Trader Joe’s!  I would have to give it a zero, too.”

We will take our money back for this one please.

Well, it looks like this is one that David and I agree on -- it is one of the worst Trader Joe’s products that we have tasted.  We very rarely use Trader Joe’s liberal return policy, but if annnnything deserves your money back, it is this bag of crap.  Seriously, if you have not figured it out yet from the rest of this review, this black bean pasta is horrible.  #NewProductFAIL. 

No, we did not overcook it.  But it was not a winner in our book.
Sorry for the crude photo, but this product angered me a bit.  :) 

Price – $2.99

Rating - 0

Day 250 - Coconut Shrimp

Find in the frozen food section

Here is David’s take on these puppies  – “They are okay, but a little dry…  They need a SAUCE.  I used a shrimp cocktail sauce but I think a sweet and sour sauce would be nicer.  I would give them a 3.25.”

A little coconut shrimp "drumlette" looking thing

And my opinion – They are easy to cook.  Just preheat the oven to 450 and put them on a baking tray.  We left them in around 14 minutes (our oven always takes a little longer than recipes say it will).  Not GREAT, but not HORRIBLE…  Like David said they are a bit dry.  It would be cool if they came with a little sauce in the box. 

The sign suggests serving them at your luau, but I don't think they are good enough for a luau.  For personal consumption only. 

The coconut taste is nice.  We do not eat a lot of seafood so it is nice to have SHRIMP, but I think this might not be the best way to get them.  We served them with leftover garlic mashed potatoes, and I have to admit the mashed pots were better than the shrimp.

Here David models the box while we are in the Clarendon, VA Trader Joe's. 

Would I serve them to guests?  Probably not.  Would I buy them again?  Maybe not.  Will I eat the remaining 5 that are still in the freezer?  Yup – that much I will do.  (Serving size is 5 and there are 3 servings in the box.)

Price – $5.99

Rating - 3

Day 188 - Shrimp Springrolls

First off, these would be best to eat on a PLATE and not right out of the container, because they are messy.  And note – the container is hard to open.  We picked them up at the Trader Joe’s at One Pacific Place in Omaha and proceeded to eat them VERY CAREFULLY in the car we had borrowed to tool around town, a brand new vehicle that we did NOT want to drip peanut sauce on.

Speaking of peanut sauce, it comes with the spring rolls and is very nice.  Peanuty!  The shrimp are also very good.  The package says the whole container is one serving, but we split it in two and it was just right.  The cabbage and carrots are gently crunchy, which was a good contrast to the rest of the ingredients.  The spearmint was the best part! 

As a sign language interpreter, I cannot have painted nails when I work.  This photo makes it obvious that we bought this product on a day when I was OFF WORK!  Blue nails!!!

One idea – they could have used a bit of basil.  That would have made the flavor a little more complex and interesting I think.

These things make a nice lunch.  They are not your normal sandwich or microwave meal, which is cool.  But, like I mentioned at the top of the review, they are MESSY.  Make sure you have napkins handy!

A little bit pricey, but tasty

At $4.49, they seem a wee bit overpriced for what you get.  But then again, it WAS fresh shrimp, and I did buy them in Omaha, where fresh shrimp are not easily available…  I say cut .50 cents off the price tag and it would be better.

Yeah - shrimp in the heart of the Midwest :) !

Price – $4.49

Rating – 3.75