Fruit Fancies

If you are new to Trader Joe’s, you may not know about HOLIDAY PRODUCTS.  Oh, November and December are magical months at Trader Joe’s!!  Products appear on the shelves that you have never seen before (or at least haven’t seen since last holiday season)!!  The die hards (like me) rush to Trader Joe’s as soon as word gets out that the holiday items are trickling in.  And each trip to the grocery store turns into an exciting journey – what will I find this time?  What will be new?  What special treat will make its way into my cart???

It was in that holiday haze that the FRUIT FANCIES made their way into our lives. 

Aren't they pretty?  And don't they look FANCY?  I mean, the word FANCY is right there in the NAME!

Do you think the sign maker at the Fairfax Virginia store had tasted these and KNEW they were not fancy, thus made them this pretty non-fancy sign?  That's my theory.  It was a SIGN...  A sign I should have paid attention to...

What can I say, I was smitten???  They looked good to me for some reason…  Sure, they seemed sort of like “Grandma and Grandpa” treats.  Or like little rolled up turds covered in sesame seeds and coconut.  But the BOX – oh man – the BOX they came in was lovely!  It had dovetailed corners!  The box is what sold me.  That, and the fact that we were heading to Omaha to celebrate the holidays, and we would be staying with my dad and his wife, who are not only Grandparents, they are Great-Grandparents!  So even if this treat was “Grandparent food”, we would be sharing it with actual grandparents, so all would be good!

I asked my dad to make a funny face.  He did.  I love it.  

Only, we never got around to eating them in Omaha…  So, they came back, unopened, then made their way to Florida!  “We will bring them next door and share them with the neighbors,” I reasoned.  Only, you see where this is going, we didn’t do that either.

Christmas Day 2017 - too busy to be bothered by Fruit Fancies...

So, before you know it, it was the last day of January and the Fruit Fancies were still unopened.  But after we ate dinner while watching “Amazing Race” (go team Brainiacs!) , David ripped into these special treat, and, well, they ended up being not so special after all…   Oh, and before you say, “Susan, of course they tasted like %&*#, they were a HOLIDAY ITEM and you let them sit until almost February!  They were too old!” – N-O.  They didn’t expire until 11/18. 

OK, here is what we thought of them:

David:  “Well, these are different.  They are like Fig Newtons that have even less moisture in them, and perhaps a little extra fiber.  They are dry.  The mouth feel is not a joy ride for me.  These things suck the moisture right out of your mouth!  I give them a 1.  The reason I am not giving them a 0 is that they do not taste bad, they just do not taste good.  The box is alright, but it is a little skinny to use for anything else.  I have to respect the dovetail jointing.”

David didn't fancy these, did fancy them at all.  

Susan:  I am just gonna say it – I was duped by the wooden, dovetailed box.  They punked me!  I think the term for this type of duped is “The Hickory Farm Effect”.  You know how Hickory Farms always had (is it has – does PF still exist in the MALL SETTING where they had special displays of meat and cheese for the holidays?) really attractive PACKAGING?  Like, “Put it in a basket, then the dyed orange cheese with pimentos and nuts will sell!!”.  Yeah – Trader Joe’s Hickory Farmed me with this one! 

The treats looked very pretty in the packaging.  Each one was topped with a whole nut on top – some with almonds and some with walnuts.  The things that “encrusted” each piece – sesame seeds or coconut – looked lovingly applied.  Each piece looked like a fancy, Mediterranean delight.  To my EYES, they looked like they would taste a bit exotic, sweet, a bit juicy, perhaps fig-like, and yummy.

But EYES are not what actually TASTE things… 

These are a product from Turkey.  But they are not “from Turkey” in a sexy, romantic, exotic kind of way.  They are not good.  I ate 2 – one of each variety.  I thought David ate ONE, but later learned he could only stomach ¼ of 1 and threw out the rest (that man never throws out a sweet!!). 

The NUT on top of each piece was nice, but there was only one nut per piece.  I guess a person could just pop the nut off the top of each one and eat only that, but it would be easier and cheaper just to head over to the TJ’s nut aisle and get yourself a whole bag of nuts.  I will give this product a 1.5 (the majority of the score is for the cool box and the nuts on top).

Sorry Trader Joe's, we don't really want these anymore....

Let this be a lesson to me (and to you): not ALL Trader Joe’s holiday products are lovely.  Even the pretty ones are sometimes duds.  Luckily, Trader Joe’s happily accepts any returns, so we took this back.  Our cashier saw the return and said, “Oh yeah, I didn’t like those things either…” 😊 . 

You can’t get this product at Trader Joe’s right now since it was seasonal, but if it does come back next year, I suggest you pass.  Grab some of the other delightful items, and leave them for some other sucker to get Hickory Farmed.

Price:  $5.99 

Rating:  1.25

Baked Figs with Bacon, Cheese, and Roasted Nuts - MAKE THIS!

This is NOT a recipe blog.  I think that is quite apparent in that, of the 445 entries I have written here, there are only a couple of recipes that appear…  But guys, I have one that I have to share!  You are going to thank me for it (if you make the dish that is).

  

The baked FIGS in the foreground is what you need to make!

But first, a little bit of background.

I like to call David and I “Urban Farmers”.  We live in an urban area, but have a coveted corner lot, meaning YARD SPACE!!  We choose to fill that yard space with STUFF TO EAT – that is, growing fruit and veggies.  We grow these items at our Virginia home:

·         Pears

Pear "in the wild" on our tree!

      ·         Peaches (on a tree named Peachy, naturally!)

Sometimes it is temping to eat peaches right off the tree, but it is best to wait until they are full grown and ripe...

·         Blueberries (this is not true anymore, because we let the bushes get taken over by weeds and strangled, but we WILL grow blueberries again, I swear…)

Don't tell the neighbors, but one year I picked the 1st blueberries of the season on my
birthday before I even had a shower and got dressed!

·         Strawberries (in an old pallet I turned into a strawberry patch!)

This was taken the first year I put in the "strawberry pallet garden" - it is more lush now

·         Figs (on a tree given to us by a stranger who came to our yard sale one year and complimented our peach tree, then went home and came back with the gift of a small fig tree he grew!  We have named it Pudding and it is thriving in our yard!)

PUDDING!  She is loaded with figs this year.  They turn brown when they are ripe.

·         Tomatoes

This is the tomato we had for dinner the night we made the fig recipe, deeelicious

·         Eggplant (pretty striped ones this year, from a plant gifted to us by a kind neighbor)

Produce from the garden, including an eggplant, from last year.  I don't have a
picture of the pretty striped one yet!

·         Hot Peppers

·         Green peppers

·         Lettuce

·         Basil (which did not make it this year…  We were not in town to tend the garden, and the automatic watering system we set up took care of a great crop of WEEDS where it should have been nurturing basil…)

Our annual PESTO MAKING DAY a few years ago - loads and loads of basil!  

·         Parsley (which, sadly, suffered the same fate as the aforementioned basil)

And at our “get-away” beach house in Florida, we grow:

·         Myer Lemons*

·         Persian Limes*

·         Tangerines*

·         Honeybells*

·         Grapefruit*

Farmer Dave with TRIXIE, the magical fruit cocktail tree

·         Papaya (The tree, named Shania, was grown from a SEED!  Our neighbor Carol sprouted several and gave us one.  It has grown really well, but sadly, hers all died…  Awkward…)

Farmer Dave with Shania

Papayas on the tree

·         Bananas (these are actually on a tree that is between our house and our neighbor’s.  We didn’t plant it, but I am not sure they did either…  It maybe just magically sprung up.  And the house is  rental, and just got rehabbed and flipped, so let’s face it, whoever ends up renting it is not gonna know if those bananas are theirs or ours, so I think it is fair that we try and eat a few, don’t you?)

Don't bananas on the tree look BIZARRE??

*All the tropical fruits listed above with an *ASTERISK* grow on ONE TREE – a magical tree we have named Trixie the Fruit Cocktail Tree!  She is a “hybrid”, growers grafted branches of different fruit trees onto one trunk.  The end results is, voila, TRIXIE!!!

The reason I have given you all of this background on our “farms” comes down to this:  FOOD TASTES BETTER WHEN YOU GROW IT YOURSELF!!!  No lie.  That’s not “fake news”, it is true, man!!!  An heirloom tomato picked, washed, sliced, and gobbled up is the best part of summer really.

So now that we are back in Virginia and settling back into “real life”, we are reaping what we sowed.  And boy is it yummy!!!  So, for dinner the other night, we cooked:  couscous (we did not grow this…) topped with mushrooms and garlic (we also did not grow those), eggplant (from the garden, sliced and cooked in the George Foreman grill), an amazing tomato (from the garden of course) sliced and served with salt, baby broccoli (broccolini) (from Trader Joe’s – reviewed here: Baby Broccoli Review and cooked with olive oil, juice from a Meyer Lemon from our tree, and TJ's Umami Sauce (not yet reviewed) ) and an AMAZING FIG RECIPE David found online!  And that finally brings me to the point of this piece:  YOU NEED TO MAKE THIS RECIPE!

Our dinner plate - the figs were the STARS!

David found the recipe on a website called whiteonricecouple.com. 

Baked Figs with Bacon, Blue Cheese, Roasted Nuts

Serves 4   Total time 30 minutes

Ingredients:

·         About 8 fresh figs, cut lengthwise in half (ours were from our fig tree, of course!)

·         4 slices cooked bacon, cut into small pieces (3 slices was enough for us, and we used the world’s most amazing bacon, from TJ’s of course, reviewed here: Black Forest Ham Review  )

·         3 – 4 ounces blue cheese or goat cheese, softened and crumbled (we used our favorite feta we have found outside of Greece, TJ’s feta in brine, reviewed here:  Feta in Brine Review )

·         2 Tablespoons finely chopped roasted nuts (pecans, walnuts, hazelnuts, etc) (we used some amazing praline pecan bit we scored at “Peach World” in Georgia recently)

·         2 Tablespoons honey

Directions:

·         Pre-heat the oven to 350 degrees.  Line a sheet pan with parchment paper.

·         Place cut figs on the lined sheet pan.  If any of the figs do not sit level, make a small flat cut across the bottom of the fit so that it sits flat when you add the toppings. 

·         Top the figs with the crumbled cheese and bacon.  Press the nuts into the cheese to help keep them from falling off.  (Note from Chef David – also try pressing the BACON into the cheese to keep it from falling off.)

·         Bake the figs for 10 -15 minutes or until they are soft, or to your desired texture, and the cheese is melted.  After removing from the oven, drizzle with honey.

·         Enjoy the figs warm or at room temperature.  Serve as an appetizer or spread them on toasted bread.  Serve with your favorite glass of wine (we served them with a lovely Trader Joe’s white wine, Monique (not yet reviewed).

You guys – MAKE THIS.  It is fast and simple, but amazing!!  So delicious!!!  It tastes (and looks) like something you would pay $40 for at some fancy schmancy restaurant, only you make it in your own kitchen and then watch crap reality tv while eating it!!  Perfect!

Enjoy these last few days of summer.  The seasons are changing far too quickly for my liking, but I will keep eating garden tomatoes and pretending it is still summer for as long as I can. 

TO SUMMER!!!