Sunday, April 16, 2017

Crappy Reviews - A Look Back At Some TRADER JOE'S PRODUCT CLUNKERS

I recently worked with an interpreter I had never met before, and we hit it off.  We seemed to have the same philosophies toward our work and laughed at the same stuff, so we became Facebook friends.  Today he noticed a Trader Joe’s review I had posted on my personal FB page and commented on it, so I told him about the Trader Joe’s 365 Facebook page and the tons of reviews I have written.  He started reading, found the review on English Butter Fudge and seemed incredulous that we thought a FUDGE was too sweet😊   That got me thinking – I should look though the blog and find some of the products that we gave BAD REVIEWS to and lump them together.  Sort of like a “Worst Of” list!!  So I am going to pick out 10 products that we gave clunker reviews to and list them here.  Here we go (in no particular order):

·         We should start off with ENGLISH BUTTER FUDGE, the review that made me start thinking about what we consider Trader Joe’s clunkers.  We gave it 1.5 stars and said it was tooooo sugary (which is saying something coming from David).  Review here: English Butter Fudge Review

Care for some English Butter Fudge anyone??

  •  Next up is PUMPKIN BODY BUTTER. It scored a 2 star review, but that “high score” was really for the cool packaging it used to have (they may have changed it by now) and NOT for the body butter.  It is a seasonal product that comes out in the fall, so you can’t get it now even if you want to (and WHY would you WANT to???), but this review will serve as a warning to you for when it hits the shelves this year:  Pumpkin Body Butter Review

I will skip this when it returns this autumn
·         Clunker product number three is MANGO COCONUT FLAVORED CARAMEL CORN.  It, too, is seasonal, but the summer mango craze may hit the Trader Joe’s shelves soon and this may re-appear!  If you like eating suntan lotion, by all means buy this popcorn, cuz that is what it tastes like.  2.25 star review here:  Mango Coconut Flavored Caramel Corn Review

The "before" photo - when Mango Coconut Flavored Caramel Corn sounded AMAZING.
·         This wine, a local Ohio wine purchased at Trader Joe’s on a road trip, may well be the only wine we have ever poured down a sink drain…  NASO ROSSO LAURELLO VINEYARDS RED WINE (aka Scary Clown wine) tasted (to us) like a mix of cough syrup, Kool-Aid, and sugar.  It got a .25 star rating – yes, less than half a star.  Review here:  Scary Clown Wine Review
Wine, down the drain, sad, sad, sad
·         I am not sure if Trader Joe’s still carries MOLTEN SALTED BUTTERSCOTCH MACARONS, but if they do, you should know that we gave them a 1.5 star rating and one of the guest reviewers said they tasted like throw up…  Review here:  Molten Salted Butterscotch Macarons Review

Here David was EXCITED about this treat.  This is before he TASTED them.
·         I swear we don’t normally say stuff tastes like cough syrup, but here is another product where we did – the 1.75 star CHERRY CIDER.  Yuck.  Review here: Cherry Cider Review
A bit of cough syrup, errr, I mean cherry cider with breakfast 
·         Trader Joe’s BLACK BEAN ROTINI is a product that received ZERO STARS in our review, not even a teeny tiny fraction of a star!!  And one blog reader (named anonymous :) ) left this comment that cracked me up about it, “My husband can eat anything that even pretends to be pasta.  He spit this out.  Also glad we didn’t waste good sauce on this crap.”  Black Bean Rotini Review

This photo captures the essence of Black Bean Rotini

·         HEAD TO TOE MOISTURIZING BALM, what can I say…  I wrote the original review of it on March 30, 2015, and over 2 years later I am STILL trying to get through the same tiny tin of this greasy crap.  1.5 stars, and one of the most often read reviews on the blog for some reason.  Head to Toe Moisturizing Balm Review

Here I am with greasy crap on my hair
·         We didn’t dig Trader Joe’s COCONUT WATER.  In fact, we thought it was gross…  But hey, this one might just be us.  Still, the review has some funny photos and the water only got .75 stars…  Review here:  Coconut Water Review

·         And the last stinky review for this go-round is FROZEN BRUSSELS SPROUTS.  We love, love, love fresh Brussels Sprouts so thought these would be a no-brainer.  We were oh so wrong…  Frozen Brussels Sprouts Review

These things were disgusting

There you have it.  Those are 10 products that won’t be put in our Trader Joe’s carts again. 

Three things, though.  First, know that we really LIKE most of the stuff at Trader Joe’s!!  Don’t let this rundown of product fails (for us) make you think that we hate Trader Joe’s!  On the contrary – we shop there multiple times every week and eat TONS of food from there!

And secondly - if there is ever a product at Trader Joe’s that you want to try in the store, YOU CAN!!  Just ask any associate if you can try whatever (except beer or wine).  They will open it for you on the spot and let you sample it, no kidding!!!  And they don’t even make you feel weird for asking – it is part of their normal operations to let customers sample!

And lastly, if you ever buy something at Trader Joe’s, get it home, try it, and don’t like it, TAKE IT BACK.  They are the best store about returns!!  We don’t often run into things we need to return but when we do I am not hesitant to bring stuff back.  They have big signs in all of their locations explaining their awesome return policy – buy it, try it, don’t like it, return it!!  Just bring it back to the store, take it to customer service when you get there, and let them know you are returning.  Then shop and get whatever you want, and when you check out tell the cashier you have a return at customer service.  The cashier will ring the bell at their station and get the info on your return and VOILA, no mess no fuss your product fail is returned! 

Happy shopping 😊


  1. I keep my "worst of all time" list here:

    1. Oh no... I see one of your WORST products is in my cupboard to be tried... :)

  2. The only one I've tried is the fudge. It is sweet, but I liked it.